This year on the snow I was like a giraffe at an ice rink.  That’s no big surprise probably, however this year my falls were spectacular.

It started when the ski shop assistant asked ‘Would you be intermediate skiers?’

Aunty Beads and I looked at each other searchingly, then back to the assistant blankly.  He offered a clue, ‘Well do you fall down all the time?’.

“Nooooo” came the immediate joint response, shoulders back, heads up, chests out.

“Right then, time to step up to the next level of skis. These ones won’t automatically come off if you do happen to fall”.

No problem! That sounded like us. We thought.

Off we went, flitting about, merrily enjoying the green runs (beginner slopes for the faint-hearted).  We met up with Aunty Darling. “Come on down the blue run” she cried out, “its easy, just undulating”.

Okay. Apparently, I’m an intermediate skier, time to try it out, confidence up.  The run was lovely but rather narrow.  However a blue run clearly is not a green run.

As I rounded a corner I happened upon a novice snowboarder pushing herself up off the snow, across the slope, her legs were sliding out backwards into my path.  I called out ‘On your right, on your right!’ I was mastering the lingo with aplomb.  But she was picking up speed, I darted around her thinking gosh that was way too close.

Then I heard clomp, clomp. Oh god. No. Her board had hit the back of my skis. Over I went, face planting the snow, banged my head and slipped down the slope head first. The skis never came off!

I finally caught up to our group at the bottom of the next ski lift, they were relieved to see me still breathing (hard).  We headed to the lift gates and, exhausted, I leaned into the gate to steady myself for the chair lift.  I felt myself moving, the gate had opened, and I was sailing through!  I put my hands up valiantly to fend off the lift chair which was swinging around the bend menacingly, but I was no match.

‘Pfftt’… I hit the snow again.  “Oohhhh” said the crowd as one.

The chairlift was stopped. Three assistants picked me up deftly and put me on the stationary seat. The crowd still peering at me from every angle. I lifted my chin proudly, smiled broadly, shoulders back, head up, chest out, but gee was I glad to sit down!

Once at the top I alighted without incident and decided it was time to head to the cafe.  I caught up to a young friend who was heading in the same direction, and, in what seemed like slow motion, she stopped dead in front of me. I fell straight onto my back. My ‘intermediates’ skis didn’t release! I was like an upside down turtle, in agony, flailing about, skis and feet pointing in different directions, knees another.

I had to be dug out by a man and his young son who he was telling “See son? You must learn to fall correctly!”  My skis still firmly in place.

You’ll be happy to know I made it to the cafe for a ‘hot chocolate’ and a gathering of my pride.

Every year a few of the Aunties head to the snow, for a few days.  It’s a fabulous break, the atmosphere so different I always feel like I have been away for a week. Getting about is so physically demanding even before hitting the slopes.  Getting gear on, walking in ski boots, carrying skis and poles, getting to & from, on & off the bus, getting gear off – are a real work out. Where is the Valet when you need him? Likely in the bar!

Well this time I felt I had been away for a month.  Yes, I will go again, happy to return to my beginner skis next season. Will you come?

Love Aunty Verve

Aunty Verve vs The Slopes

Aunty Verve Stands upright, momentarily.

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