Sarah’s Aunty Patricia
My Aunty Patricia is a cracker! My Ma’s baby sister.
She once gave me a black suspender and stocking set for Xmas. I was 12.
It was mortifying.
Everyone was opening their presents one at a time. She believed it was an essential item.
Like I said, mortifying.
She also once gave a lengthy description of how she would like to die. This involved her and her husband having a nice cup of tea together and popping a some sort of special death pill; they would then be put in the same coffin (to save on costs) in the missionary position (the only one they know) and we can all just send one sympathy card (again to save money).
No mucking around.
Thanks for sharing Miss Sarah, we love embarrassing Aunties, they are the best.
We will be sharing more Aunty stories so send them in to me at valet@theaunties.com.au
Love The Valet
Dear Aunty Lovers
Dear Aunty lovers,
Salutations. It’s the Valet here, with an irresistible invitation.
arcade-card-mack-sennett-comedies-five-women-with-hats-covered-with-straw-1920s at http://chuckman1920sarcadecardbeauties.wordpress.com
The girls are requesting the pleasure of your company at what they are calling ‘Tiddling Tales with The Aunties”.
Between you and me, we know it’s going to be some frivolous fun, however we all need to get in on the act. So prepare to share the tales of your own aunties, if you dare.
Aunties might be by blood or friendship, we aren’t precious – we love them all. Those women you love to love because they love you, for who you are, who dare you to take a risk, who laugh loudly and who occasionally encourage you to dance on tables (for fun not for profit).
No Aunty story? Maybe a party trick? You know; those special talents only our family and friends could love, demanding we perform at weddings, parties, anything!
The girls started this whole ‘Aunties’ thing wanting to share their adventures, and yours, wanting to reclaim the place of the mad older women in the world. Clearly the girls are in need of some attention…
YOUR DANCE CARD:
| DRESS: | Frock Up |
| DATE: | Saturday 7th September 2013 |
| ARRIVE: | 3pm (your special Aunty Lover Leader will lead you to the secret location by 4pm for champagne) |
| FINALE: | 6pm or thereabouts |
| VENUE: | Secret Ballarat City locale |
| AFTER-PARTY: | Optional |
| RSVP: | September 1st – valet@theaunties.com.au |
Once you have RSVP’d you will receive your next instructions.
Tickets are free, limited and exclusive to aunty lovers (subscribe at right of screen).
It’s first-in best-dressed folks…
It is worth noting that the pollies of this country have decided to hold some kind of election on that day, however we won’t let it detract, and may even drop in on the tally room from time to time.
The girls, and I, would really love to see you there, so subscribe, RSVP and think about sharing the adventurous women in your life.
Yours in endless Servitude
The Valet
I do love food…
How much do I love food, especially when away from home? I can’t think of any better time than to try local produce; it’s fresher, good for the local economy and creates fodder for stories.
Our mother had a saying when dining out; ‘don’t order anything from the menu, that you can cook at home’; which when younger I thought crazy. Why on earth would I subject myself to eating something I had never heard of. What if I hated it? I’d be hungry, and out of pocket.
Fast forward a few years and yes, I should have known that mum was right (always). Isn’t maturity wonderful? Her words are stuck in my mind, when selecting dishes from menus.
I do love my food, and always choose something new and different! A favourite place for food is a fabulous seafood restaurant in Seattle USA called The Crab Pot. My Stephen had researched this restaurant and knew exactly what he wanted to order, even before we left the shores of Oz.
The Crab Pot has incredible waterfront dining views, featured on the Travel Channel ‘man vs food’, very busy and no bookings allowed. You may have to wait for a table depending on the time of day. Just do what I did, head to the bar and enjoy their amazing Martinis and local beers.
The Pacific Clam Bake was to ‘die for’. Do yourself a favour and visit Seattle one day, you will not be sorry.
Love Aunty Lush
XX
Aunty how do I spell…
The Aunties met recently for a sojourn in Melbourne. The idea was to gather, chat and have a little drinkie or three over discussions of our next adventure.
Clearly we all find each-other totally hilarious, so the day spun away in tales of ducks, elopements, blobbing, pens with tassles, playshop fraud and spasmodic whippers. An eclectic collection that will all appear in due time here in our The Aunties ezine.
The champagne was popped, glasses clinked and the cone of silence descended when we began our ‘writing June’ time.
Our young nephew (actually cousin 12 times removed but who’s counting) was visiting from the UK. Josh has a french father Dominique who always introduces him as ‘My zon Josh’, thus we call him ‘My zon Josh’.
So ‘our’ zon Josh was writing his travel diary. He looked up from his lappy and asked Aunty Darling ‘How do you spell bustling?’
Aunty Darling looked over her spectacles with a look like the cat who got the cream. Maybe the cat who got the canary (in wrong way round world), or the canary who got the cream…
She looked smug alright!
The other aunties also peeped over the top of their glasses (both champagne and spectacles), but for a totally different reason. They glanced side-ways and length-ways craning their necks to see Aunty Darling’s face. What would she do?
Our zon Josh looked expectantly at Aunty Darling, then returned to his lappy as Aunty Darling said ‘B… U… S…’. Her eyes then flicked up to the other aunties and mouthed ‘what’s next?’
Aunty Mod mouthed back ‘T..’
Aunty Darling roused to high pitched, rather loud ‘T?’
All the aunties nodded in agreement.
You see Aunty Darling’s spelling has long been the stuff of legend.
And now our zon Josh knows, as does the world.
Stalking
Stephen and I were so organised that day, played golf in the afternoon, dropped my handicap by one stroke, and ahem, also won the ladies competition. Home for a quick shower, wine, out for dinner and then off to ‘The Dusty Springfield’ Tribute Concert with our friend Sandy. The Dusty Springfield Concert – featured the beautiful Monique Montez and the fabulous Deni Hines. We couldn’t take our eyes off Deni, delightful, stunning and what a voice. I know I was showing my age by knowing all the words and singing along. After the show, we were so excited, we raced up to her for a photo. Stephen choose to sit and look on while Sandy and I took off. Deni looked up and stared me straight in the eye and with a smile on her face, said ‘ok here come the stalkers’! We stood there shyly smiling at her, all star-struck! Yep we were smitten – she’s gorgeous and the show was fabulous, so if you get a chance to see it – do yourself a favour and go, you won’t be sorry!
Love star-struck Aunty Lush
It’s a Blurrr…
Aunty Verve here. You won’t see me in many photos. It’s not necessarily that I don’t want to be in them (mostly), it’s just that when I ask someone else to take one for me, it invariably ends up a blur.
Example one:
I love to travel and on a trip to NZ, all I wanted was a photo of me at Mitre Peak, Milford Sound. I used to cut out pictures from magazines and travel brochures and put them in my scrapbook of places I loved and wanted to visit someday. Milford Sound was front and centre.
My someday had come and we had trekked over MacKinnon Pass for 5 days. We arrived tired, and elated, at our destination. A chance for my photo of a lifetime.
It’s difficult to take a bad shot in NZ, it’s so scenic. I decided to ask a woman who had the flashest camera and longest lens. She had been taking photos non stop for the entire trip. She must be know her stuff!
I handed over my ‘point and shoot’ Ricoh which had served me brilliantly on the trek. I had some fabulous photos, this is a favourite.
I showed her how to use the camera, which took a bit of time, its so simple! Several photos later I could tell, without my reading glasses, that they just would not do. Finally I said that I think this one is OK . The result?
I love it anyway, it makes my minds eye picture perfect!
Example Two, Three, ad nauseum…
So many other bblurrrs including ….
Me with Tim Costello. Me with Pat. It goes on and on.
Not too bad though, if you can squint?
Love blurry Aunty Verve.
Aunty Lessons in Making Up
Whilst teaching the other day, I noticed one of the students in my Year 7 Science class was wearing the most beautiful eye make-up. I called her over and said ‘wow your eyes look fantastic’. She looked at me a little funny and said ‘Most teachers tell me to go wash my face’.
I think I skipped the ‘play with make-up’ years and as a result have hit 50 without any decent make-up and without a clue on how to apply it. Don’t get me wrong – I did give it a red hot go.
I particularly liked to experiment on special occasions when time was limited, the make-up was old and the skills poor. Not a good combination.
So, I decided to step it up and enter the adult world of ‘make-up’.
Having no daughters to show me the way, I took myself off to Myer for a make-up lesson and to purchase some quality cosmetics. One hour and $200 later – I had a neat little package with some eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, make up remover, eyebrow pencil and something called primer.
Now I try to wear a little make-up every day. However there is a down side – I now have to allow another 30 minutes in the morning to apply my make up! And during the day I often forget that I’ve got eye make up on and rub my eyes. And then, in the evening I need to remove my make-up and do the whole face cleaning thing.
Oh the rigmarole!
Aunty Darling
